Ballistic Blizzard Blazin Bunny

2005-01-10T19:33:00.000+08:00

wat a difference a day made. 24 little hours.

there are some days when 24 hours is juz not enuf for me. mayb it's my attitude for taking things slowly. hence sometimes things dun get going until i'm motivated. when that happens, dont u think time juz passes tat fast?

today is a slow day.

had this conversation with my colleague. he was quite excited by the fact tat NTU is opening up a new course, Aerospace Engineering. He saw the mail late, if not he would have gone for the briefing n get more idea from it. i t was something i wanted to take. but singapore was going to styart it. i know for a fact tat singapore would not be a choice for me as my results were really TAT BAD. wat to do? din realise the need to study hard earlier on in my life until it was 3 months till the exams and it was too late! enuf about then. looking at my godbro's success in that industry, i thot it would be a good path to take. but it was warned that it's a tough subject to master. and my main few concerns in choosing the subject to take : 1) dun wan to waste my parents' money if i dun make it. 2) i wan a good life for myself in the future. for myself and my family. i want to be able to provide. all these thots go thru my mind. now i've fully given up in being an aerospace engineer but will still keep the dream of being a pilot. the course i'll be taking after i've finished with my foundation studies in melbourne is to commerce majoring in accountancy. i'm still not sure. how now brown cow? i need to grow up fast n realise my dream. i was once told. choose a job which u will enjoy doing if not every morning u'll be trying ur best to drag urself to work. i want myself to be happy. to be happy in the things i do.it's not an easy way to go. not many pple now can say tat they love wat they do. i hope i can say tat for myself.

at this point of time, i'm on duty. really bored. doing duty made me realise how slow time can be. almost every nite, i'll be out with my frds, for dinner or games. it's to the extent that my mum nags at me so often, i miss her nagging when she doesnt. hah. i'm quite afraid that i'm unable to settle myself down in time for my studies. my life is just full of fun. having fun. creating fun.

i need to rethink of my goals in life. i really need to ponder on my direction. why do i need to mature fast? i'm 21yo now. gonna be given my key soon. gosh!

2005-01-03T13:31:00.000+08:00

lunch time and i'm updating my blog. it has been a while since i last updated it. and the best part is that i'm updating it in my office. for once, we can use the internet com in the office. my chief clerk is not ard if not she's VERY particular when it comes to pple using this com for personal usage. but she's not ard and here i am. haha..

as for my thailand trip, i think i cant get enuf of that place. when my frd asked me to go over in april, i was immediately tempted to head there. why so? things r cheap. i can get free lodging too. free meals mayb? but it's going to be more fun i think. knowing that i've already experience the country on the surface. went to the places of interest like the weekend market, MBK, grand palace and temple of dawn. i really enjoyed myself while looking at the grand palance, temple of the emerald buddha and temple of dawn. wat an experience.. esp when u did all the planning by urself. we did some research b4 we left and used some frd's journal entry as a guide too. it was useful. haha... so we went everywhere by ourself. we armed ourselves with a map, our research and our brains. walked to wherever the BTS train could not go. we do not like to get us jammed in the traffic.

but anyway, when my thai frd suggested that i head to bkk in apr, i was tempted and am planning to go. wat is holding me back in the cash. need some money to get myself the airtix. furthermore since already overseas, another frd from hongkong asked me to go over the hk. if i go there, i think i will come back damn broke. it's 2 shopping paradise with things cheaper than wat we have in singapore.

wasted opportunity. i could not spend enuf time during the past week to go for shopping. alot of places were having the year end sale. now i dun think there's alot of sales as no one have sales at the beginning of the year.

HAPPY 2005 everyone. 2004 was a tough year i think. even right at the end of the year, the tsunami juz have to happen. wat a tragedy! there are alot of ups and downs for me, for all of us. for the 1st 20 years of my life, i have neva come to a point in life where the next decision i have to make will affect my future. but i've decided. I'm heading over to Melbourne, Australia to further my studies. In case if u dun already know, i'm heading over there in july this year for my foundation studies. it was quite sad telling my frds in person that i'm only going to be ard singapore for this half of the year. but i think i wont be missed here. many pple r juz acquaintances, right? so many pple are juz come n go frds. or rather, pple i know. pple we only bother with when we so happen to meet up. which makes me think again. who are my frds? i was juz talking about this thing with my frd. my life seems so sad. do pple actually bothers? i dunno. u should ask urself...

johnson out...

( Resolution for this year 2005: to mature more. to not be a spoilt brat and think that the world revolves ard me. to accept responsibilites of my own actions. to love and treasure the pple close to me. )

2004-12-22T21:44:00.000+08:00

realised i'm not here for long? it juz goes to show how much i've drifted away from my former workplace. i cant go back there anymore. i'm a stranger. even thou i was part of them for more than 1 yr. so sad that pple change juz after a few months thou it's yrs we r measuring.

will talk more some other day. many things happened but not the right time to type it all now.

2004-10-28T13:38:00.000+08:00

over in november, there is this long long weekend which is accompanied by 2 public holidays. i think the pple who planned the duties did not like me for he planned me for duties on that sunday that weekend. for i have already planned my leave that weekend and medical appointment to truly enjoy this long long break from work!!! wat can i do? i'm not a person who is very willing to part with my money in order to do the things i want. firstly i'm not a rich person (alot of pple have this mispersecption that i'm rich, BUT i'm not).secondly, i will need some money to spend during that weekend too. my 1st plan was to go overseas during that period. i dun mind spending more leave days juz to enjoy myself then. it's not an issue so long i'm enjoying myself. thirdly, if i'm not going thailand, i'm also thinking of going malaysia. my frds originally had this plan of going malaysia for shopping but since like they will b going for a holiday in dec but i should not b able to actually participate. i want to get out of this shit!! how?

many pple's blog is all about their ideologism. what about mine? boring entries about my life. what is there that is interesting about my life? nothing much. what m i proud of? nothing much. sighs...

i must really start to put my mind in the right way. to put my mind straight to finish something b4 going onto something else. look at my driving. i did not plan ahead like what my mum said. i din plan to take my advance theory early enuf and look where i am now... juz one lesson shy of taking the real test. if i had taken my advance theory test, i would have been able to even take my driving test now... such a disappoinment Johnson.

I need to start planning to juz concentrate on finishing an item b4 going onto another issue. my life needs some planning!

2004-10-21T22:15:00.000+08:00

life is full of ups and downs.

work is bz as usual but one thing is keeping me going at work. my professional relationship is beta these days with this colleague. we have to work hand in hand these days as we r the only 2 left in the department. yes i do side track at times during work... it was juz attempts to keep in touch with a frd from this other unit. furthermore, his work n mine had some link. yeah.. at least things r beta these days at work (thou there are still stress @ work).

weekend is again starting tmr for me. hurray! juz thot my blog is so boring eh??

this weekend is to try n catch up with my friends. would try n plan to meet some frds up for coffee, shopping n movie! clubbing is bad for health!!

Realised something. i haven update this blog for a wk. need to break a news here.

On sunday, i made a huge decision. i signed up for further studies in melbourne australia. what does that mean? means i wont be as seen on the streets in singapore as often as i do till now. why is it a huge decision? coz it's life altering. life as in my future. i was faced with 2 choices. one was to study in melbourne. the other being sydney. i will admit here. i played alot in jc n din start studying earlier. results wont good to begin with. hence when i head over to aussieland, i will start my studies by completing my further studies. with my results, i could manage the shortest program. but, to study in melbourne, i would be studying for the bachelor of commerce. in sydney i will b studying for bachelor of aerospace engineering. in melbourne (for now), i have my brother there. tat means lodging is paid for. he's over in melbourne. hence he should b able to pay for our rental. in sydney, i have frds there already. she's studying in uni of sydney. if i were to study, it would b the same uni. but knowing the fact that bachelor of aerospace is so much tougher compared to commerce, i was faced with this dilemma... at tis point, all i know is that i have been offered a place in trinity college where i will study my foundation year. for uni of syd foundation studies, i have to go thru an english proficiency test. wonnders will i b able to head pass it... that's not the point. the point is that i have totally no idea which direction to head.... sighs...

things tat i need to think thru:
1) completion of driving...
2) further studies

2004-10-14T22:01:00.000+08:00

today is quite a fruitful day. if not becoz my upper studies have already ORD, we will not be able to stand on our 2 feet. finally, my department mate n i can work. but there will b obstacles in our paths. really. be prepared to feel stresss johnson.

am still feeling a little lousy. seems like things mite not go my way actually. things i planned.

that's y i'm listening to some songs which can express my thots.

song of the moment - Yong Qi by Liang Jing Ru

2004-10-14T13:38:00.000+08:00

it's a thursday. i would have to say, this weekend is really tough for me. there had been things bothering me. n the funny thing is, i have no idea what r they n how to handle them. Lost in lalang again.

Past weeks been fine. but not this week. n small little things r beginning to bother me. it's to the extent that the place i seek refuge during lunch breaks, during office hours and after work, soon i'm going to leave them alone. not going to intrude on others' privacy. for i no longer belong to this unit. this family. this group of pple whom i used to call them my colleagues. i guess that's the reason y i have lost contact with so many pple, n easily too.

i have a dream. i'm sure many of us have dreams. i haf aspirations. many of them in fact. but i tink my character, i'm too lazy to act upon them. was reprimanded by my mum. or rather advised by her. she told me i should put my act together n go follow thru on the plans i had told her about.

now i wish to have a great weekend. mayb it's too much to ask for. then i shall wish tat i have a good weekend. n i hope whoeva reads this, haf a good wkend too!

2004-09-29T07:33:00.000+08:00

here i am, in the ops room. for today i'm the duty personnel for the unit. so i have to wake up early to do some cleaning up. boy m i wasted. for the past 3 nites, i din have the amount of sleep that i hope to have.

America's Next Top Model... wow. the gals din look that great in person but their 1st photo shoot, wow. they looked great!

looks like my driving has to put on hold. will continue once i've finished with my final theory test. oops. BUT i still hope i can get my license by the end of the yr.

2004-09-22T13:43:00.000+08:00

Music of the moment - What a wonderful world (by Eva Cassidy)

this world is juz so out of control. my work place, my former work place. din already haf a gd waking up this morning. having a stiff neck now. got screamed at becoz of something my stupid clooeague did. showed him attitude becoz of the way he talks to me. so many reasons to get me out of work.

now i'm @ my former office using the com. i always do tat during lunch break. an oasis in this desert of humanity. i'm trying to keep myself occupied with issues of my own. give myself work to shut the rest of this desert away. juz keep doing work. n hope time juz flies. fly me to 9 months from now. i'll be out of here. during lunch i was tinking, when i ORD, i'm going to send an email out to showcase my displeasure working in this environment for the past 10 months. but we shall see whether it will fall thru.

midweek. i feel blessed as some frds msged me to wish that i haf a gd day since it's already midwk. sometimes pple juz haf to learn to b contented with wat GOD has given us. i'm one of those pple who needs to learn..

2004-09-20T16:01:00.000+08:00

nowadays, blogging has been so boring. y so? i guess it's becoz life has been so boring for me. readers of my blog would know that i keep complaining about my sucky army life.

today yuet again, my chief clerk was at it again. but today there was something that made me happy for a while. she hinted that she mite leave the job. GOOD! anyway she was commenting in a annoyed way that my 2 upper studies are taking so many days off, leave that they mite not b able to teach us everything n wan us to make every opportunity to learn. but with their sloppy "workmanship", they dun even work properly. juz tat all their shit has been landed on us. some times i juz wish to tell mdm that "do u tink it's our fault that my upper studies are not doing the work correctly? it took some time for the shit to b uncovered. we haf already uncovered some shit. not enuf to uncover all the shit they haf dumped for the last 2 yrs or more."

sianz... m so freaking tired so decided to tuan a while to haf this entry.

at least i know, i should b able to finish my driving by the end of the next month. hurray!

2004-09-14T18:34:00.000+08:00

what a wonderful world.... according to a fellow camp mate, i have finally see light in my line of work. currently, i'm understudying to be the despatch clerk next time when the current one bows out from this service he provides, which is in a month's time. what a long day but it's a long day away from work rather than staying in camp n do all the work my fellow colleague (note, i have neva used the word frd when i'm talking about him) doesnt wan to.

over the weekend, i had all the time in my hands. btu did i use it wisely? okie, i managed to finish my advance theory lessons online. one thing i've managed to complete. next thing to complete in relation to driving is my advance theory test. by the start of next month, i should b able to finish all my driving lessons and wait for my TP. one instructor actually projected that by the end of nov, i should b getting my license. hurray!! cant wait to drive but i'm sure the 1st time i'm going to b on the rd is going to b a scary event. esp if my 1st excursion with the car is to drive my parents n myself for a meal somewhere. my dad said he's juz going to sit behind n pretend to sleep so that i wont have any pressure / unnecessary comments from him.

this week, should b a short week for me since i'm the understudy for despatch and i have some medical appts (things u do to get urself out of camp), i'm happy.

grow up johnson! need to alwasy remind myself to grow up n stop fooling around. time to settle down n tink about my future. i'm still lost in respect to what i wan to b in the future. do u guys actually know? are you sure life for you would b good? able to land urself in a job u are happy with? able to get urself a job which pays well enuf to raise a family? able to find urself a job which u r happy with and pays well? i ask myself that often as i still have the chance to change my future, to decide on what courses i wan to take in uni.

2004-09-09T13:41:00.000+08:00

one thing i really dislike is pple taking my hp away from me without asking me.

finally it's thursday!! n my mdm has gone overseas for a holiday. hurray! less nagging the next few days.

i need to plan my life. need to really start thinking of wat m i going to do. i'm a social butterfly, some pple once said. very true. i live on being socialable. i live on having a social life. till now, what i've planned: learn driving, learn canoeing, learn dancing. not even planned on wat to do in uni, wat do i really want my life to head to.

GROW UP johnson...

2004-09-07T13:35:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling tired. tired. woke up feeling tired. attention span is damn short today. cant help myself thou.. drained of all energy. someone told me last nite. u can view life as positively as you can or negatively but you know that life goes on no matter how u see it. yes that statement totally makes sense. but being human, you cant forget all emotions n go on with life. back in sch i could juz do tat. not much stress, not forced to do things u dont really like. haha.

cant wait to organise some kopi session with my frds whom some i've met in a while...

2004-09-02T12:51:00.000+08:00

i've yet again asked myself, how to carry on in this vocation? with a knife right in my back? well.. soon enuf i'm going to make things thru. if my colleagues say tat i'm not working. n so b it. i shant work anymore.. doing enuf to keep myself working the whole time. oh well... sianz.

sorry for all readers tat my post has become so mundane with me complaining about work every time i haf an entry. there is still hope in life i believe. i've neva given up hope. i have faith in GOD.

By the way, Da Vinci's Code is nice to read. even me, Johnson, m caught in the book. cant stop reading it. heh

2004-08-31T12:37:00.000+08:00

there is hope in this world, i tell ya. in the near future, i mite b receiving some gd news about my posting. i mite b able to get back to home (or rather my 2nd home - my former army unit, or rather air force unit). hope this gd news can fall thru.

over the wkend, i was ddeeply exhausted. was suppose to haf dinner with my frds rite? in the end, postpone to this fri. it will also b a farewell for one of them. then so far, from wat i know, my pre u sem group of 16 will shrink to 13 with 3 of them overseas. mayb come next yr, it will shrink one more, me. this wkend was also suppose to attend the mass com bash, ntu at MS but it was too late for me to attend it as i was attending my JC's anniversary. oh well.. slept real late on sat nite. still went clubbin but went somewhere else. sleeping late is not gd ah. must listen to kor kor's words ah. the next day, it affected my concentration during my driving lesson. oh well... lets not talk about my wkend. tired is the main word of tat wkend.

this coming wkend, i hope i can actually take long wkend. coz i have a med appt in the afternoon of friday n would love to extend my long wkend by a few more hours.

today is only tuesday.. 3.5 more days till wkend! hurray!!

2004-08-26T21:49:00.000+08:00

one consolation for me, the wk is ending. n furthermore, during the end day brief, or last parade, my mdm, the chief clerk was asking who's going for long wkend. she went thru all the departments n it came to mine. she looked at my colleague n he said he will b the only one left behind. n she said ya. okie. i dun remember telling her i'm going for long wkend. okie. everyone b my witness. she said okie. heh. last time she had this rule where newly posted in personnel cant go for long wkend for the time being. ha. i'm so not going to let tat affect me. okie good. at least now i can go for my driving lesson on sat smoothly. home sweet home on fri nite! hurray!

saw singapore idol juz now. singapore really lack of talents? our only resource are our people. goodness... but that last contestant is GooD!

talking about talents. i feel very much for the athletes in athens. doesnt the 2 words haf much similarities? esp lee jia wei n ronald. in my eyes, one thing tat singapore sportmen n women haf to improve is their mental strength. let not the burden of a nation weigh down on their concentration. it's the hopes of the nation tat makes them lose all concentration. i could see it in lee jiawei's eyes in the semi finals. n even more obvious in the 3rd/4th placing playoffs. the newspaper said tat Singapore has few athletes tat we all can place hopes on. the ad about thanking those who managed to go far in the Games, is quite lame. defeating the purpose. juz makes us feel tat we were so so near n yet so far. 4 yrs away... haiz...

LONG WKEND!! HOOHOO!!

2004-08-25T12:20:00.000+08:00

my working life. even a female frd also complained to me how often i complained in my blog. but that's the only happening thing in my life. mayb i shall bother myself with a book. how slow m i? i'm only starting to read the breaking the da vinci's code. well... even a non-bookworm m reading... the world is changing.

my coffee appt with my pre u sem frds seem to not b able to pull thru. okie. for JIAHUI, we shall shift it to next fri or next sat. depends whether the rest can make it too anot. i'm good with these 2 days. hope jeremy can come along. i mean hardly anyone else other than the few of us meeting up. coffee n dinner.

complain n complain. be in my shoes n u'll understand why i complain about them. today yet again, someone who is 1 yr older, but junior in rank n service in the army, but senior by a few months in that department, juz told me off. dude, i tried my best n here u r not encouraging me to learn. hey if i'm really tat mean, i would juz let u do everything. i'm sure i can find reasons not to do it. or run away from the job. i haf less than 300 days in that ugly place. dont wan to tink about work off work hrs. it's lunch time!

2004-08-24T19:55:00.000+08:00

where to stay... there's a lot of ways that i can start this msg. but still, i cant start this the right way. lets try n to start this entry in a few ways:

1) finally, everything has settled down. no longer m i going down to yishun after work. i'm not complaining. if by being there, my godma can feel beta, i would even rush down in a cab so tat i can b there longer than wat i usually does. how does it feel to b in her shoes, i imagine. it hurts alot seeing her like tat. to b in her shoes, it hurts even more. at least these things din happen to her when she's young, immature. she tried to hold back her tears. she doesnt want the pple ard her to worry about her. that's my godma. but i know, it hurts. over the past wk, i knew she wasnt able to accept the fact tat her father has passed away. how to? everyone hopes for the best. on our way to the crematorium, even thou she's in front of me, i sms-ed her this :

"Godma, the way of life is that there is always life and death. One day you celebrate the birth of a newborn child. and some other day, u part with someone else. what you need to understand is where he lives on that matters. it's in you. it's in your heart n mind. he has neva left you at all. pain is temporary but memories are everlasting. i'm sure he doesnt want to see you in this state."

she will need time to actually accept it totally i guess.. hope she will take care of herself.

2) yet again, i'm disappointed at work. someone is ord-ing. okie. it's normal for nsfs to have this ord mood b4 they ord, of course. the thing is, i also hope i can ord. but it's still 300 days away. 10 months. then this guy at work will juz hog the com. yes he does know his job well. yes he's working. but along with that, he gave some fucked up attitude. here i am trying to get work done. trying to solve some serious shit so tat i wont get any punishments for all the shit they've stored up. but but but... haiz.. really sometimes thou u wan to get things done, u juz lose all motivation, all hopes, all the positive attitudes.

3) cant wait for this wkend to come.. sounds familiar eh? i say tat all the time. i wan to go out n sip a cuppa coffee. did tat last wk with a frd of mine. we knew each other for quite a while n sometimes i tink he's the only one who can stand at the amount of shit i'm churning out n throwing at him (please read with discretion. coz i dun mean the literal form of shit). haha. would like to do tat with some other frds. really enjoyable feeling. juz sit ard n talk. it was a sunday afternoon in CBD. there was absolutely no one. somemore the coffee club outlet we were at, thou it was aircon-ed, u cant really feel the coldness of it. instead u feel cool coz they haf fans revolving above. nice feeling.

3 ways of starting this entry. but it all seems like juz 3 different issues of this entry. wat m i talking? i haf no idea. i wan to run away.. ahh... i'm going crazy... ah...

on sat, there's a ntu bash.. 8bucks but i hope i can go with someone. who le? still looking for frds to go. anyway, i'm attending my jc's anniversary dinner. got psycho-ed to attend it n pay $63 for it. okie la. juz go n enjoy it lo. m tinking of going down to topman n get myself a top for the dinner. mite as well. sometimes can also wear it to clubbing ah. quite tired of being in front of the computer now. i quite addicted to clubbing/chilling (i'm only a social drinker n a non smoker. dun tink i'm one of those addicts. juz wanna dance. m listening to some chill out music. making me crave to wan to hang out with my frds n chill to these music. mayb i shall go to the bash. hmmm...

2004-08-18T12:30:00.000+08:00

quite sad at work... din noe wat to do, how to do. juz very lost. lost all motivation to do my part.

2004-08-17T23:21:00.000+08:00

today today... really dunno where to start. i guess most of wat i've to say is whateva happened after work. BUT i still hate work. or at least my workplace.

b4 lunch my mum msged to tell me something. she told me tat my godma's father had passed away. okie. he has not been in the best of health. was admitted to the hospital quite some time back. my mum was tinkin tat there mite not b much time left for him. upon receiving that msg from my mum, i juz decided to call my godma. oh dear, she's crying on the other side. i wished i could do more for her. i mean wat she needs more is her immediate family. not me. the next person i called was my mum. i told her my plans of going down to the wake to visit my godma. i had to do tat. she's always very gd to me. very positive to the things i do. when i saw her, she was numb. she din noe how to feel. deep inside her, she's very sad. i can imagine her feeling. she was delirious to the point where she actually asked the same question to me thrice. she kept asking me to sit down when everyone else is standing. the family, being buddhist, had pple coming over the chant. during the chant, she couldnt take it. she started crying. my heart went out to her. i can feel her pain.for her, there's even more history btw her n her parents. even at my age, i tink it will hurt me the same if i'm in her shoes. it also hurts me to see her cry. i put myself in her shoes. the pain of a loss of a loved one. how great is that? at that instance, i cant help myself but wan to cry. (ok PS u can say me emotionAL now) juz reminds me of a feeeling i had when i listened to "Luther Vandross' - Dance With My Father". go listen to this song. lyrics can b found in one of May's entry. when i went over to hug her n comfort her, she told me something : "i have no more father." (goodness i feel like crying now - such a softie) i wanted to scold her. i wanted to remind her that she has a father. it's juz tat he has migrated from being a physical being into a memory in her heart n mind. i really hope she can get out of it soon enuf to get back to life. i really hope she gets beta.

it's a feeling tat i hope no one has to go thru but it's the way of life. i guess when such things happen, the best is to get the support of the rest of the family n frds. mayb i should go down to the wake again tmr.

2004-08-12T19:03:00.000+08:00

PS Fir, really nice talking to u last nite. indeed i was really shocked. i'm very sure we can actually get together soon n hang out. soon enuf, even ur last batch will become civilians too leh..

had a gd talk with my chief clerk... well she did change her attitude towards me.. i has lesser things against her now. BUT i still wan to come back to the place i belong. aint that the msg behind some of the patriot songs that we sing on national day? ha... i do feel beta than yesterday after the talk with her. the main reason being that she did go thru so much more than all of us had. been thru so many phases of army life, as a DXO (civilian working in the army or a uniformed personnel). everything she scolds us, it juz becoz of some stupid mistake we did n she wans us to actually not do tat mistake again.. i'm such a wuss rite? believeing her so easily. i mean we did haf a talk for an hr n half after work ended for that day..

weekend is so near now.. cant wait... but someone i will miss much after this weekend. my brother is going back to melbourne. he really knows how to take care of me. mayb it's me but i really like being taken care by him. haha.. wat r big brothers for? to take care of younger siblings lo... (such a spoilt brat comment!) ... but for half a yr, i wont b able to see him again.. till next chinese new yr. i'm sure going to miss him!

i wanna dance again. had so much fun last sunday. if i could turn back the hands of time (eh doesnt tat line sound familiar? it's the title of R Kelly's song), i would ... eh i would actually turn it back till quite some time back. to do the things i regret not doing now. how i wish i haf that power!

2004-08-11T12:43:00.000+08:00

my mood is very lousy now. y? oz my cheif clerk has too many rules. yes we may b in the army. but u r a civillian. tat's y. in the future, do expect an uprising. when there r too many rules, pple will rebel. they dun need to start. the rest of the clerks can do that themselves.

i wan to get out today, but i guess work will end late. n furthermore, there's singapore idol later on. kudos to the loser who is the watermelon man... next time when i see u on the street, do accept my deepest shoutout to u " LOSER". guess i'm not in the right frame of mind. shall remain as that for the whole of today (while at work tat is)!

2004-08-10T22:01:00.000+08:00

here i am, in the office which i used to spend so much time in. so much of the time spent here r happy moments. lazing in front of the com with my frds, lazing on the sofas reading the newspapers or talking to my fellow colleagues, frds. lets not dwell on that.

my current work attitude is not to care so much. juz get myself one thing to do n let it occupy myself till the end of the day... any other thing, juz in one ear n out the other. let the other newbie handle everything. well someone has to b the lau jiao (old bird). anyway he has a long time in that department. me will ord in less than 10 month's time. ORD mood will start next jan.. heh

finally got my hair cut. actually i liked it alot. very manageable.. y din i do tat b4 the party? would b so much easier n very comfy. haha... not so much hair now. but my bunkmate, this metrosexual guy, kept laughing at me. he has this thing about my hair. ha. he commented tat my sideburns r shaved too straight. haha. actually i couldnt really b bothered. i liked this hairstyle n i told myself b4 the haircut. dun bother so much about the hair. i dun wan myself to b so bothered about the hair. about the outlook. i wan to b more nonchalant in that sense.

i would want 2 club again this weekend. n hopefully i can get to know some gals along the way... haha. i dun wan to sound desperate over here but sometimes i do feel lonely. esp when i hang out in orchard n see those couples walking ard. y m i single? ha..

current music: F.I.R. - Fly Away (gets me high everytime i hear it. very happy song.)

2004-08-09T17:03:00.001+08:00

wat a boring day. it's worse when the tot of me having to book in n face my work place tmr morning... now must try to tink of how m i going to enjoy myself at work tmr... hmmm..... sms everyone i know? eat some chocolate? listen to some songs n ignore my chief clerk? or mayb hope tat tmr i will receive some gd news from camp? mayb they will post me back to my former unit as a clerk? tat dream will neva die.... until next jan when i will start to swtich off from work. thou by then i would still half half a yr to go, but having a hols then (will visit my bro again in melbourne for chinese new yr), i will come back having the ORD mood. i should haf some understudy by then. if not, juz let the other guy die. no probs man..

went out last nite. was damn shagged last nite sia. saw a few frds (or acquaintances)... danced the nite away but wasnt feeling rite from the start but it was quite an experience. clubbing on sunday nite, something new.

gonna cut my hair today! m sure going to miss this current length. pple wont tink i'm from the army with this length. but gonna b a guai boy. feel like shopping later. wanna get myself some nike, adidas stuff... hmm....

2004-08-08T14:26:00.000+08:00

i dunno wat to say... was quite happy to leave camp. but now tat i'm out, i really dunno wat to expect. tot i planned the perfect schedule for these few days but all screwed by frds who decided to all go for a party.. n to last min get the tix, it cost quite a bit. in the end, i came home. actually i guess i'm going to shelf all my plans for this perfect wkend getaway. juz sianz by everyone... y do i feel so jaded? met a frd in gym. he asked me tat qn. i really dunno leh.. i'm still young leh.

who actually treats me as a frd?

2004-08-06T12:38:00.000+08:00

friday... everyone in the army would b planning for their supe long retreat to the civillian life. me too... BUT.. (a big fat) BUT... my current workplace, 165 ORDERLY ROOM, (must spell out loud so tat every single one knows) doesnt believe tat a new guy (thou not tat new in service), cant go for long wkend. it is so coz it has neva done b4. okie. yes i've heard tat from the other guys in the same workplace, but it's still shocking to have heard it from the superior's mouth. doesnt mean it has neva been done means it's not right to do it. yes unfair to the rest but u have to tink of the fact tat i'm no longer a greenhorn in the army. i'm so comtempating that there will come a day when i cant take it that i shall call the SAF hotline. to give my bosses some jialat jialat n to gif future clerks in that workplace some benefits.

i still cant stand working there. m trying hard to skive. now i'm at the point where during office hours, i make small notes for myself as i cant tell others my feelings. so i "said" it out by writing... tat place sux!!! they told me tat i should not tell pple from my former unit about things from my workplace (said by my current 165 SQN's s1). screw him!

oops... enuf of my public outburst since this place can b read by anyone... i should regain to my normal self. m so going to enjoy my long wkend (thou cut short by at least half a day). cant wait. cant wait!

2004-08-04T12:33:00.000+08:00

last nite i went out to relax myself n to get dinner. the aunties at the cookhouse din keep any food left for me even thoui told one of them too. the aunty i told was the main chef for dinner that nite. it was supposed to b hokkien noodles. something different from the normal menu of rice n side dishes. she was appologetic and i accepted it. she actually told another aunty to keep some for me. i always talk to the aunties in the cookhouse hence they r nice to me. oh well... at that time i really wanted to cry. neva deny a hungry man food!!

okie. i went up to bunk n got prepared to get out for movie n dinner. my frds had all eaten so i was the only hungry man ard. all of us had our things to handle b4 the movie started. the movie was "The House of Flying Daggers". wat a lousy movie. or rather it's an art flim. something i could not apprehend while watching it. i actually felt asleep n snored (in order to defend myself, i had to say this: once ur sleeping position blocks the airways, one tend to snore). the way of shooting the movie is something i could not agree with. with all these said, it's up to ur own rick of whether u wan to go n catch that movie.

anohter day at work. still dreading the start of everyday coz i know i haf to go to work at that horrid place! cant stand it further. i still want OUT!

2004-08-03T12:32:00.000+08:00

i want out of my current work place! n i miss someone.. a frd. he juz flew off in the wee hours of today. he's back to beijing to work... will b a long while till he's back again! do take care ya!

but most importantly, i wan out of this place. i hope my former unit's pple r working hard enuf to try n get me back! i hope they r sincere. juz saw my former oc. i told him how much i detest staying in there. some of the pple i work in the current lpace knows how much i wan out! hope there's enuf to get me out. i'm so waiting for my mandatory interview with my current boss. then i shall start telling him how much i wan out. guys, wish me lots of luck!!

2004-08-02T12:25:00.000+08:00

Last week was an eventful week. y so? coz the future of my nsf liability is unknown. i was on paper, transfered from place to place like no one's business. posted to HQ RSAF, then back to my former unit n now to the neighbour unit 165 SQN. i receieved my posting on sat, close to noon when i was on my way back. that call spells the end of my comfortable unit life. n it brought up some problems i forsee myself facing. lodging? pple i'm familiar with? policies?

i'm still in this camp as this camp houses 2 different units. so tat means i've probably seen most of the pple but becoz we were from different units, hence there's no interaction. now becoz of fate, i'm posted to that unit. i haf to start all over again n noe everyone whom i've ignored as strangers. wat a twist of fate. becoz of the location of camp, staying in is a preferred choice. all along i've grown comfortable staying in my bunk but becoz of me now transfered to the other unit, by right, i would haf to shift. i guess on paper, i will shift but whether will i sleep there, it's another thing.

today went to report to the new workplace for me. woah. i was having culture shock. i was posted to the orderly room of 165 SQN. the chief clerk laid down so many rules tat i felt so overwhelmed by her.. i wanted out immediately. the only tot tat kept me goin is tat i only haf 10 months left. 10 more months. imagine PS Fir, so fast since u took us eh? 10 more months n ur last batch of recruits will ord. time sure flies. i've been in this camp, this unit 163 SQN for more than a yr. many things i've learnt, about the pple, about the history, about my equipment, about the lifestyle. it's going to b difficult to change my mindset totally. when u been thru hell somewhere, with a group of pple u call frds now, it's difficult to get out of it, into another place where bonding will b difficult to forge. no hardship to bring us together. 10 more months (i remind myself again n again)....

Song - An Jing by Jay Chou

2004-07-30T13:09:00.000+08:00

as of today, mt status is upposedly already in hq rsaf in mindef. but my enitk, he wanted me to stay at least till the end of the week, giving me more time here. when he asked for tat, the reply was tta i dun have to report to that new unit today. together with me, there's another guy from my unit who is also posting there at the same time. okie. we all dislike him so much, we cant care less about him. n so we din report today. but coupled with tat, i was told to stay in the unit till further notice, while he's going to report there on monday. wat a change of things the past wk eh? very interesting. now my status is actually quite unknown. oh well.. i'm supopsed to b a clerk in this other department (for those army guys, i'm supposed to b in the orderly) but when i asked my oc, he gave me a choice to stay in this department of go over to the orderly. i gave a firm answer to stay in this department. he said okie n he will tell the manpower officer of tat decision. i guess he's the one who is trying to keep me here as there is really a shortage of manpower. it's working to my advantage. this monring when i reported there, the feeling was so weird. i mean i feel a sense of belonging or rather familiarity in the current department i'm in. oh well...

wkend is ard the corner yet again... wat m i goin to do leh? more driving lessons yet again. no choice. i wan my license soon! will have a family lunch i guess on sunday coz my brother juz came back from aussieland! other than tat, mayb catch a movie on sat? definitely not clubbing thou. quite sianz of it. wat if i see my brother? no interested man! gd deterrent from clubbing, HIM! our age gap is quite huge. 8yrs. dun really wan to see him outside. but he's still a gd big brother. will take care of me. i guess it's becoz he takes care of me tat sometimes i yearn for pple to take care of me too.. oops....

2004-07-28T13:54:00.000+08:00

yet another nite in bunk. thank god for my bunkmates coming back early.. so it was really fun to haf them ard... laughing n joking. but to me, it was quite a shocking day yesterday.

after i've entered my entry, life juz has it's way of playing with you. my s3 (the 2nd biggest shot in this unit, who is also my former in-charge), walked past me n told me tat i'm leaving this unit soon n i'll b posted to HQ RSAF which is in mindef, bukit gombak. b4 knowing my posting, my family and i were hoping tat i get posted to HQ ADSD coz it's in yishun n relatively nearer to home. then today, the date was known. n so i'll b posted to my new unit with effect of friday. my 1st day there. woah. really short notice eh? dun wan to tink how life can b over there. when i'm there, u guys can even expect me to b online every single nite. since i can stay out now but it's still far...

really dunno how to feel....

2004-07-27T13:01:00.000+08:00

yesterday was such a boring day. imagine myself being alone in bunk after last parade. i erally wanted to make use of the opportunity to try n organise my life. but i dunno where to start from. quality time for oneself is little when u r in army. coz every other moment of ur life in camp, will definitely haf someone else to look at ur every move, or b in the same area as you. BUT i still din noe where to start, so ineffective personal time! juz spent my time watching tv n stoning. how happening rite?

cant really stand the rules of the army. another group of pple in my unit, were given 2 weekend confinement becoz they din greet someone of higher rank. to me, i respect. i dun juz greet for the sake of greeting. my attitude towards tat was reflected one day when i wrote this quote in my office for everyone to see : "Rank is what you wear but respect is what you earn." there r pple whom i dun at all respect here. sometimes i get carried away calling pple who's rank is a little higher than me (eg. me lance corporal but they a 3rd sgt - 2 ranks above mine). but sometimes pple of higher rank who happens to b nearby would comment tat during office hours, i shld addres them by rank. n with that comment, it often follows by : "eh he's ur frd huh?" sometimes i really wan to tell them tat i'm sorry but i have frds while u dont. i'm sorry that i can make frds while on a job. at least these frds will have a diverse background in the future n i can use tat as an advantage but urs, can only b found here. who knows how many opf tose have already backstabbed u? me being a nsf, juz need to serve finish my liability n get out of this place. generally, pple who r nsfs, tend to look after each other. unless some serious attitude prob from one party. me being in the air force, really different from other arms of the army. army (land) has very strict regimentation... cant really compare. actually m quite glad i'm here.

2004-07-26T12:22:00.000+08:00

looking at my post 6 days ago, i hope to make tat a routine thou. quite successful till now. been doing my routinal jog on sunday. thou yest's jog wasnt the best i ever had, i guess i was quite tired from sat's gym session. the funny thing is tat i din club on sat n yet m quite tired.

every wkend, i haf the mandatory 2 driving lessons. i mean if i dun haf my drivign lessons during the wkends, when can i haf it then? would hope to get my license by the end of the yr. quite on track thou. you wont not know wat can happen when u take ur practical test. everytime i look at the screen n see my name together with car 73, i will tink to myself, dammit, it's him again. he's the 11 fingers instructor, or so i call him (in my mind tat is). he has 2 thumbs on his right hand. okie i'm not discriminating him for that. juz tat he's my 1st instructor n i dunno why but i feel quite stressed up learning driving under him. thou sometimes he try to lighten the mood while driving, i dun quite find his jokes funny. i got him again on saturday. driving was terrible! goodness.... but on sunday, i had an altogether different instructor. *till saturday, all my lessons, i only had 2 different instructors. they juz keep rotating* but sunday's lesson was good. really learnt. he was quite nice too..

my brother will b back in singapore after missing singapore for more than 1yr n half. the best thing is he's back on my mum's bday! i guess i should wrap my brother up so tat he can b the best pressie my mum ever had? she misses him alot. i remember earlier this yr, the whole family went over to aussieland, melbourne to look for him to celebrate chinese new yr together as a family, my mum jokingly said, : "hope u dun mind that these few days i'll gif him more attention n treat him beta." one day i was talking to my mum n told her not to worry if she's going to treat him beta the time when he's back. neither will i b jealous. haha..

mondaY... BORED. cant wait for the wkend to come again. but then again, wat to do then? hmmm... driving again n then wat? hmmm...

2004-07-23T12:20:00.000+08:00

TGIF!!! hurray! home sweet home! this week, i have to say, is my best week ever since the day when i reached this period of uncertainty for my future. almost every other day, i've been working out. juz look at my previous entry. everyday i will update my progress.

yesterday it was my division's anniversary. for all those who din noe, i'm from the air defence system division aka ADSD. it's HQ is in Chong Pang. so yesterday's celebration was an uphill run at mindef there. woah.. i used to always go there for outfield exercise n noe the trouble the vehicle has when it travels uphill. din noe how it feels to get up the hill by myself until yesterday. damn steep. but in tune with my current mission which is to try n b more athletic, i ran up the hill.. wat an achievement for me. for the fact tat i tot i can juz walk up. one of my frd started running n i tot, mite as well since there is company. but note tat i'm actually downgraded to pes c9l3 (which means i dun ever haf to do ippt again nor go outfield becoz of my back prob). running at one pt of time in the future was not favourable. tat's y when i ran past my s3 (some bigshot in camp), he asked me, "eh u can run ah?" i juz answered tat i'm joggin lo. he's like so weak. haha. oops =p .. but i did run almost the whole leg of the uphill run. one thing i cant stand was that there was a lack of food at the event. dinner was promised to everyone who was there. even thou so many pple had left the place prior to the dinner, dinner was still a shortage. neva angry a hungry man! haha. but my unit's officers were quite helpful in tat sense tat they try n sourced for food. n eventually the news even went up to the biggest shot of all, the division commander. thou it was promised tat more food will come, it was in such a small serving tat it was enuf also. gosh...

enuf of bitching for yesterday. if u were present, i could juz blow steam right out of my mouth. haha..

today m having long wkend.. so already planned to catch a movie in town. m going to catch "brotherhood".. hurray! oh yeah it's my mum's bday next thurs. hope i can actually try n cook up a storm on sun afternoon b4 driving lesson. m going to get a cookbook n try n do something.... hehe.. cant wait!!

2004-07-20T13:00:00.000+08:00

another 4 more days n home i'll b. I MISS MY BED AT HOME! one of the things i miss from home. the other, is a person, my mum... miss her dearly. yesterday i went for medical appt, meaning i din book in on sun nite but instead i stayed home for another nite (n sleeping on my queen size bed. army is so terrible to gif me such a small bed n that spells - cramp!). my mum woke me up at 7am. n she left the house at about 8am... but b4 she left, she gave me a hug. i'm actually missing that feeling.. hah.

haven read other pple's blog in a while... PS, wat's going on man? sounds quite happening eh ur life? must stay home sometimes. i'm sure u can find joy in staying home... i do tat sometimes. to me it's a santuary. a hiding place from ALL evils of the world.. *evil laughter muahahaha...*

This week, i call it the physical training week. coz i wan to commit myself to getting into shape. itinerary for this week (180704 - 250704) :
sun - cardio
mon - rest
tue - cardio
wed - gym
thu - cardio
fri - rest
sat - gym
sun - cardio

2004-07-19T16:53:00.000+08:00

wow.. it's been a while... hey PS, nice seeing u today. yes we shall hang out soon ya. interesting looking hair u haf there. bright yellow shirt.

been spending alot while being in camp. thank goodness tat i still have my combat pay to offset some of my losses. ha. being in camp doesnt mean i will spend little. there is this thing called nites out. so being in camp, my bunkmates get bored easily n wanna go out, even if juz for dinner. if one of us din wan to go, they will get even more bored. being kind, i din wan to disappoint them, thou sometimes i really dun wanna go out n waste money!

over the weekend, i was talking to my frds. n kinda got me thinking. i'm sure many of us have ever been in love. okie. mayb the degree of "love" is too strong. many of us have ever dated someone else. someone whom u tink u wanna noe more, noe more of tat person. if things work out, then the possibility of going furthur together is higher. what i'm going to talk about is the ending part of the relationship. breaking up.

there's something i was pondering upon yesterday. ask urself this. when you break up, does it affect u tremendously? or does it affect u at all? if it doesnt, how r u to say tat it was a relationship? so when u r dating someone, did it hurt when things dun go the way u wanted it to (meaning from it being a date to a relationship). but since it aint a rship, how come it hurts so much?

juz think about that..

2004-07-09T12:22:00.000+08:00

friday, finally but i'm not having long wkend. so meaning i can only enjoy myself after knocking off from work on sat noon. boohoohoo.... another thing to b annoying me is tat i'm sick!! feeling very terrible now... flu n lightheadedness.. terrible!

2004-07-08T10:25:00.000+08:00

080704 - date of this day. i cant help but feel dejected. the idea of frds, very distant, very annoying. this following poem, meaningful. touching. nowadays i'm a sucker for emotional lit.

Have you ever felt like you knew someone a long, long time ago?
Another place, another time, a friendship of the souls?
Two people who share a bond for reasons neither know,
A feeling that they were friends, a long, long time ago?

Did they stumble onto each other by pure circumstance,
Or was it fate and destiny that played a certain hand?
Two souls intertwined, they are worlds apart,
But the soul, it knows no difference, in matters of the heart.

Somehow they are drawn together, fate has brought them back,
Each living worlds apart, they journey separate paths.
When this life is over, and a new life begins,
Their souls will find each other, two souls that we call friends.

the idea of frdship, i've always pondered on how would one define who is frds who aint. recently i've been quite disappointed with this group of pple, of which some i tot were frds. being superficial is wat they do best. i cant stand tat anymore... i wonder... how many pple have made me a frd bcoz of tat reason. over n over again i've talked about this issue. but actually speaking, those who r have this link to read from, i dun tink you guys r not superficial to tat extent eh?

everytime i'm saddened by something in the outside world, i'm always glad to come back to camp. to a world i'm familiar with. to a world i noe i can smile freely in. to a place whom i know pple r not superficial, for we r juz here to pass tat 2 yrs of our lives (for those nsf).

often i've read mails detailing how frdship can b explained.

friend, noun.
1) A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
2) A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.

i dun quite agree with tne 2nd definition. an acquaintance. remember the times back in primary school, when u haf different levels of frds. good frds, best frds, frds. to me, i only haf frds, acquaintances, strangers.

2004-07-06T09:20:00.001+08:00

Love Is ...

Love is the greatest feeling,
Love is like a play,
Love is what I feel for you,
Each and every day,
Love is like a smile,
Love is like a song,
Love is a great emotion,
That keeps us going strong,
I love you with my heart,
My body and my soul,
I love the way I keep loving,
Like a love I can't control,
So remember when your eyes meet mine,
I love you with all my heart,
And I have poured my entire soul into you,
Right from the very start.

what a nice poem. i'm in the mood for love, after i've finished watching a movie last nite. i caught "windstruck" - the latest korean movie. thou it's similar to the previous movies by the same actress or actor, but i have not seen them so i cant comment on them. but i tink in my life, i hope i can b in love at least once like they did. juz go n catch it. u mite find it draggy in the end but do put urself in their shoes. to enjoy love as it is.

now i haf a question. is love commercialised? or rather, has movies romanticized us? are we under the influenced tat love should b like tat? after watching movies like "windstruck" or "turn left, turn right", do we wan to b in their shoes? it was one of my gp topic of discussion back when we were in school. we were talking about the effects of mass media. do u agree tat many of us haf been under the influence of mass media to change our perception? to some extent, some pple have divorced coz they do not feel the chemistry, the romance tat they have earlier perceived from the movies. we human beings r easily influenced. esp in this age where information is at it's fastest n wif more information, one will stand on higher ground. how do we get these information, by reading, by hearing, by seeing. how do we do tat? thru mass media. once we r used to do that, we tend to keep doing it. read more (books, newspaper, mags...), watch more (tv, movies...), hear more (music, radio..).

i shant turn this into a GP essay. i'm not even close to being gd at formulating arguments. but tat's how i feel for today... wink

2004-07-05T12:35:00.000+08:00

monday... feeling very tired. din haf enuf sleep on sat as i was out the whole nite n woke up early coz i wanted to catch some sun b4 my driving lesson on sunday morning. so slept at 5.30am n woke up at 10am. was so tired tat i keep sleeping in the bus or train. to top it up, i was at the gym b4 i left to book in n worked quite hard. hope to get results. (so tat my pre u sem frds can stop saying tat i keep touching my chest even thou there's nothing there). was so afriad tat i mite oversleep n miss my stop n tat would b worse. din also haf a gd sleep last nite. mayb 2 nites on my own bed caused me to get used to its spring n its size (i sleep on a queen size mattress - coz long enuf for me n good to roll all over at nite). ha

someone juz told me recently: "you are still young. dun b like this 24yo i noe who is already tired by life. dun let that passion die off. you still have a long way to go in life." ever since he said tat to me, everytime i feel down, i'll remind myself of this statement.

wonder wat my mood is? looking at my songlist, mayb can tell u some.

liang jing ru - fly away, fen shou kuai le, yong qi
brian mcknight - win
eva cassidy - what a wonderful world
alicia keys - if i aint got you
harlem yu cheng qing - hai xiao (really liked this song)!!

being in army, many would say, it's time for a boy to grow up to b a man. indeed i'm a man in the army. not a specialist nor an officer. but do i tink i've grown up? dun tink so. but did learn a thing or two about human relations. but something i've learnt is how to control my temper. many would say the reason y i've this temper is becoz i'm a spoilt brat. to some degree i've to agree. juz look at my temper. hai...

i'm very tired.. very tired... tired... tire..... tir.... ti.... t...

2004-07-02T12:35:00.000+08:00

friday!! (when i first started typing, i actually type firday. haha... PS, mayb on ur day, n if it's a friday, mayb can declare it's firday! - oops... lameness over here) today i'm leaving camp early coz there's change of command parade by this other unit whom we r sharing the camp compund with. going gym later thou... aching to exercise. this whole world wants to look good. it's very difficult to actually live out from that understanding. whether how much one says tat being superficial is not helpful n should b done away with, he/she cant reject tat it's a way of life. we have been tuned to want to see good things. see things tat r appealing. to change tat perception, pple need to look deeper. (m now listening to Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful")

things to do tis wkend: driving lessons, suntanning, gymming, hanging out with my frds, get a pressie for my godbro n restrain myself from clubbing. anyway my ankle hurts, feels like sprained so hope it's a deterrent from clubbing.

going out on the road for my next driving lesson... i'm proud of myself for only stalling the engine once during my 2nd lesson but something funny happened. my instructor was actually sleeping while i was driving. i take tat as a gd thing meaning when i was driving or braking, it was quite smooth.. hope to do the same this time. haha. but driving on the road, dun play play...

this wk, i was juz pissed at some toot in camp... he's none other than the master in the QM department.... oh well.. must learn to CONTROL... *explodes*

when will b able to live happily ever after? haha..

2004-06-25T12:21:00.000+08:00

finally i'm heading home tonight... but there r some feelings tat r brought forward from yest. i guess i'm not a successful person. someone once said tat a successful person is one who knows how to control his/her emotions, know how to control. learning how to control? anyone knows how to?

last nite i was using the com n my fellow campmate, who happens to b my pri classmate, can see the difference in personality. his blog is added to my links of frds u seer on the right column - yong xiang (bear bear). very cute character i tell ya. i was amazed at him having a blog coz he's such a cheena ~~boy~~bear bear. ha.

for the past few days, i was quite happy at my job scope for now but today, i'm juz not able to control!!!! argh!

CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL..... screammmmmmm...........

2004-06-24T20:57:00.000+08:00

back to myself now. today aint a fantastic day.. thou shld seem fine la. anyway after a bathe n some exercises, i feel beta. i'm not longer feeling frustrated, instead, i feel like i can gif some love out!! haha...

sometimes it's diff to share with those who r reading my excitement. currently there's a person i'm interested. she's in sydney. she did express mutual admiration. she wishes tat i can go over to sydney to look for her. i'm replying to her saying mayb when i head to melb next chinese new yr, i can also hope by sydney to look for her. actually by then she will b back in sg for hols. wat a crazy idea eh? i tink so too but plausible.

everytime i haf some entry here, wat's goin thru my mind : 1)this is an outlet for me. yes there r times when pple say it's difficult to know me, but here is a gd way of "reading" me. mayb that's the reason why my Platoon sarge said i am a quiet person. actually i tot i'm quite a loud n talkative person. juz look at my blog entries? all full of crap. 2)try n create some style of writing. i admit, i dun haf the gift of the gap nor the power of english (pardon my english for all the grammatical, spelling errors or the lack of vocab), but i try to make things interesting over here.

oh well....

2004-06-24T14:53:00.000+08:00

today quite frustrating. dunno leh. trying to control my emotions but cant. juz too much nagging from a bunkmate of mine. i tried to cool down but yet he goes again. i guess i'll juz keep quiet for the whole day loh.. tired... tired.. tired.

i wonder will i post out... i wonder..

tired tired tired. human relations r so fragile. y? r u thinking too much? i am... m i too sensitive? i am.... (radio's playing hoobastank - the reason.. nice nice).

wanted to say so much... mayb i should drown myself in music. i realised tat ever since the release of results of entry into uni, i've neva been really happy, except for one wkend when i truly thank GOD for that. there r many things to complete. many things to plan. many things to frown over. y b bothered by all these shit?! i wanna forget all my worries. to forget how to b sensitive. to remember how to b happy (again).

do u guys actually think u know me beta after reading my blog?

2004-06-23T12:59:00.000+08:00

midweek... one thing i cant wait to do is to get out of camp n into the arms of civilisation. ha! over the wkend, i'm so getting a present for this kor of mine. woah.. i remember then on my b'day he gave me a pierre cardin wallet. should b quite ex. till now i still dun dare to use the wallet. not used to using such ex wallets tat r leather.

over the wkend i'm going to meet my pre-u sem frds. it's been a while since i've last seen them. *reminder* i'm a nostalgic person. so everytime i'm meeting this group of frds, i'll remember the times we spent at the camp, at the beach, at all the gatherings. thou we dun really meet up often, when we do, we'll catch up. things do feel the same. tat's something i like..

yet another person beheaded in iraq. wat is the world coming to? was reading this webbie n it seems like pple in iraq r also against all these killings. but i guess it's the fault of the Mr George Bush Jr. oh well..

2004-06-20T21:25:00.000+08:00

on to my next idea, (new post so easier to read). love. was tinking about it while suntannin today.

"do opposite really attract, just like a magnet?"

haha. i made myself sound like sarah jessica parker in sex & the city. but is tat true? if it is so, y do we hear so many pple break up becoz of indifferences? i tink juz tat line is enuf to overturn tat statement. or mayb pple r juz finding excuses out of a relastionship? indeed a lame excuse.

okie. so if it's not true. i've also once heard of this finding that pple normally like others becoz it's the closest they've found to themselves. so generally saying, pple r narcissistic la. tat explains y pple always say they like pple who shares the same character, hobbies as themselves.

but wont liking someone who is totally different, even more of an experience? so many things r different from our own lifestyles. everyday can/could b a new experience. new learning of the other person... aint tat more interesting?

2004-06-20T21:03:00.000+08:00

wat a break. 3 days coz i did duty on tues till thurs n had off on fri, coupled with the wkend. went shopping, suntanning (hey! it's the in-est thing to b dark! so guys n gals, get some sun on ur skin), gym (haven done cardio exercises for a while) n dance (as usual). bought myself a sling bag n berms. love the bag. already started using it. haha.

anyway today, juz on one bus ride home from hougang point, i saw 2 different acts of kindess. 1) saw an indian guy boarding the bus. but he board the bus without any change. alright. so he went behind n asked someone for change to a $2 note. he approached 2 malay guys standing nearest to him. one of them offered some coins but it didnt amount to 2 bucks. he passed it to the indian guy n in exchange, the indian guy gave the note to the malay guy. but he din accept. the pushing of the note went on for a min or so n eventually the indian guy thanked the malay guy for the coins n still he din accept the note.

2) saw this indian gal giving up the seat next to her n hers to this grandma n her grandson.

with these acts, it juz warms my heart to tink that singaporeans (some) r not bad after all. but there's still something wrong with the culture. with the things pple r teaching their children these days. with how pple act (not as in drama acting). kiasu-ism, kiasi-ism... all so singaporean. but i hope one day, pple wont relate these ideology to singaporeans.

2004-06-18T18:45:00.000+08:00

MUSIC of the moment - Diana Degarmo - I Believe, Because You Loved Me, Dont Cry Out Loud

enough of that. sorry tat one wk din haf any entry. for i was on outfield duty during the past 3 days. hence cant use the com to update u guys who actually bother to read.

many many major things happened to me recently. i juz i shall start off with the news tat most of us know by now. NS liability for those enlisting in dec 2004 will only haf to serve 2 yrs. n those in service will haf a reduction in 2 months of liability. which in turns means i'll ord one yr from yesterday!!!! hurray!! Dear BMT platoon mates, we haf less than a yr from today!! tat was MAJOR news to us man!

second news came on the same day as the previous news but earlier. n this is a sad news. i was quite affected by this news. tat's y when the reduction news came along, i wasnt as happy as everyone else. some of u guys out there mite not know i;ve downgraded. but yes i'm no longer the pes A u guys know till april this yr. as of april 20th 2004, i've downgraded to pes c9l3. which means i will neva eva haf to take ippt again nor go outfield. but my current vocation is combat vocation n i do go outfield. my unit has already tried it's best to retain me as a combat serviceman by submitting a term of reference to the medical board. but they r not willing to take the risk if i were to injure myself. but becoz they submitted that term of reference to higher management, many pple r known of my condition n they haf no choice but to transfer me out of the place. then i asked, how come i haf a senior who also haf the same medical pes status as me but remained in the same vocation? becoz they din report up to higher management. now they will haf to revocate me n i mite get posted back to the same unit, other department, lesser pay, n stay out status. but my camp is............... in the west. limchukang!! where i stay?........... sengkang! it takes me 1 1/2 hrs juz to get back home by public transport, via the cheapest way. crazy to wake up early in the morning juz go camp. if they decide to revcoate me n post me out of the job scope i'm already in, out of the office i fall in every morning, i hope they post me out of the camp, to HQ ADSD. heaven is awaitin over there.

things r not tat easy. today i've finished my last duty ever. that place has grown to quite a comfort. juz like a chalet (tat's wat i tot when i 1st entered the building) - outfield can also b built up. cuz juz one building up on a hill. (shhhh... cant say too much about my vocation or else i've to kill YOU! shhhhh....). last time i'm going to walk up tat hill. last time i'm going to play pinball on tat computer. last time sleeping there. last time seeing sunrise or sunset over there (it looks so nice over there when it rains. i'll neva forget!) my frd once said i'm a nostalgic guy. i agree!

are u a person who lives in the memories of yesteryears or u look forward to the future? looking forward to the uncertain future is a scary thing. remember i once talked about the future? everything u tink of the future is built on the best possible situation. things mite not turn out the way u wan. mite b the total opposite. how scary is tat tot? i'm definitely a person who likes to relive the gd times. over n over again i do tat. sometimes i can cry over that. ha. i'm sensitive... (mayb also a new age guy? ;P)

but seriously, leaving a place (my unit) where i've already been there for a yr. lived thru terrible training sessions, been thru exercises, deployments which r quite tough, i believe all of us crewmen haf grown used to each other. missing one (for them), miss 14 of them (for me) is tough. haiz...

2004-06-13T19:50:00.000+08:00

summary of the wk: wasnt fantastic when i was in camp for the past wk. but thank god for the breather over the wkend. enjoyed myself. met some frds. bake some cookies. went tanning. enjoyed the sun (thou it's hot).

what can i say? i din really do wat i wanted to do. get to know myself a little beta. but there r some off days ahead. i guess i will do so.

over the wkend, i asked myself who r indeed frds. god gave me a few pple to b thankful of. my pre-u sem frds: sam, junxu, jiahui, sam, jonathan, n the rest. my jc classmates: junlin, merv, LQ, youan, meisze. my sec sch classmates: xingwen, philip. even thou contact wasnt consistent, but u guys made me feel tat frdships can still remain. i'll try my best to try n remain contact. frdships, as the name terms, is a vessel for which we hope into. in tat vessel, we sail thru all obstacles, we sail thru calm seas. do remember this, i wont forget u guys. there may come a time tat i wont b able to hang out with u guys often, as i mite go overseas to further my studies, but do remember tat u guys haf a perm space in my heart!

Friendship rox!

2004-06-11T12:23:00.000+08:00

TGIF? not anymore. m feeling quite overworked today. no mood to do anything rite anymore. yes this is the army but do anyone care about how we actually feel?

it's always said tat in the army, one will learn alot about the life we'll haf after grad from studies n come out to the "real" world n start working. yes, politics can b learnt over here. pple pull ranks, pull favours, apple polish... all kinds. must our society b like dat? would pple b happy working under u? would things progress rather than to go downhill? sometimes i'm quite sick of all this office politics and often dream tat if i were to startup a company, i would try n minimise such environment from fostering. this environment would b a very positive one where everyone is being recognised for their efforts n not their sucking-up skills.

today's mood was initially alright. but guess last nite din haf a gd sleep. wanted to forget everything by sleeping but coz i'm a light sleeper, those who came back to camp last nite made such a LOUD din tat i was awaken. earlier in the morning i told a frd i felt beta than yest but now, i'm very tired. hope tonight's KTV session can lift up my mood! even thou i mite nt b there to sing but juz wanna forget all my troubles for now!

tmr shall b cookies day yet again. hurray. i'm sure to b quite happy making it. but now thinking of wat m i goin to do after baking the cookies... i've really no idea.

earlier on in the history of frdster, i once said tat i really wish i can get outta army soon as i remmeber the times when i was carefree (aka when i was still in sch), i wa smiling so often my dad always remind me to not smile when i cross the roads. coz my eyes r so small tat he's afraid tat i cant see the traffic. of course he's teasing me but i dun tink he can say tat anymore. me being more moody than i used to b, i club so often to forget about the world i'm in. juz hang out with some pple, some i hardly know, n dance the nite away. wat a life eh? a life of avoidance. when will i ever grow up n face the music?

hope u guys dun get bored reading my blog. tat's how i feel. pple normally uses blog or livejournal to express themselves n most of them r quite good at tat. some r quite deep. mine is juz a normal guy telling pple (who r reading this) more about my life. my tots. my tots can fly into many different diretions at one time. after reading so much, i'm sure u've already realised. paragraphs from the same blog entry need not b talking abt the same thing.

2004-06-10T20:35:00.000+08:00

thursday today. time's so slow. nothing to look forward to in camp. nothing to look forward to outside of camp. other than sleeping in my own bed. but i guess tat luxury will b over in juz one nite. n it seems like i mite nt meet any frds to hang out (hanging out with frds is something i do so often) i guess i shld spend some quality time with myself n think thru my life. think thru my actions. think thru how to lofe a beta person.

actually this is already my 2nd attempt at writing my entry for the day. coz earlier i opened a webbie n it had some prob. camp computer is not very tahan-able. in my previous attepmt, i was talking about the things i've regretted in my life. i guess one of the things i'm also gonna tink will b to stop myself from regretting on any actions i've done coz i should think thru things b4 i execute it. wanted to talk more about the things i've regretted in my life but i dun feel like it anymore. was writing quite smoothly earlier on but lost it. haha...

i was reading my earlier posts n i saw quite a positive boy behind the post. but lately, there doesnt seem to b the case. lost the cheerfulness. lost many reasons which i can cheer about. to some extent, lost all hopes for the future. i remember when i was the the bottomless pit of sadness, i told a frd: "i've already lost all hopes for the best. when one loses all hope, wat is there left for anyone?" doesnt mean with tat msg, i'm gonna commit suicide. oh pls. i'm not into tat. furthermore i dun tink i haf the courage to do so. there's still things to look forward to. not the end of things yet. but i'm still trying to get over things. thanx for all the help, all the encouragement. i really needed it. still do.

2004-06-09T13:17:00.000+08:00

wednesday! halfway there. juz too bad this wk i can only leave camp on sat noon. tat's really boring already. cant wait... may life can go on faster if i start dreaming of wat i can do this wkend.

i tink i've already said in yesterday's entry tat i wanna get a new hp n meet some frds. guess no one is readin my blog since no one replied. haha. oh well so let this b my silent voice. it comes in words hence all tones n emotions can b interrepted by oneself...

gonna start learning driving soon. cant wait to start driving. oh well.. sianz man life in camp...

2004-06-08T12:27:00.000+08:00

another wk in camp means probably another wk's worth of boring entry. i really wonders how many of u guys actually reads them? hmmm... do drop me a line n tell me u r actually doing so.

cant wait to leave camp this wk. for
1) pay is here by then
2) i wanna hang out with my frds

at least it's a change of sentiment from 2 wks back thou yesterday i felt it again. oh no! n guess y i got tat feeling back. coz i was in the gym doin some wts training n suddenly felt lousy of myself in comparison to those also training. their shoulders r like huge compared to mine. i wan those huge shoulders... so u gals can lean on n not complain it's boney. haha..

mayb with this month's pay, i wanna get a new hp with a new line, a new bag, a new pair of shoes, n some clothes (since great singapore sales is on).

another song to introduce to you guys. my frd brought me notice to this song as he thinks it's quite meaningful. it's one of the hottest song of the moment:

Hoobastank - The Reason

I'm not a perfect person
As many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

2004-06-03T20:03:00.000+08:00

after talking to some pple, finally i know why m i feeling this way. i really haf no idea where m i heading in life. wat should i grow up to b? how bleak is my future? but most importantly, where and wat m i going to study? this is something not many would know. but yeah i still haf no idea wat m i going to do for my future. i'm at this junction where i know everything tat i'm going to do will affect my future eventually.

was tinking today.. wat m i going to do/study in the future. since if i'm going overseas, it should b easier as if i cant make it for the criteria set, i can still go for foundation yr in aussie land (home of the current beauty queen!!). was tinking to take one of the following courses :
1) accountancy (but in uni of melb, they only haf bachelor of commerce. so tat's the nearest to accountancy)
2) chemical engineering (damn diff to study in sg as criteria damn high. i'm not tat gd a student nor an average one too)
3) aviation engineering (follow the footsteps of my godma's son. he studied tat, grad with 2nd degree honours n eventually landed a job at sia n he wans to cross over to b a pilot. hope to b a pilot too. this path seems quite promising)

there r some short terms plans. like to b an air steward or work in the hotel industry. there's so many one would wanna do in this short life time. really haf no idea. but those 3 long term plans seems to b lead me to quite a promising future. wat do u guys think? oh by the way, do u tink i can b an air steward? haha. ht is not a problemo. i'm still within tat limit. haha.

oh PS: everytime i sing, pple ask me: "are u joining singapore idol?" do u tink i should? haha...

2004-05-31T16:57:00.000+08:00

Utada Hikaru - First Love

Saigo no kisu wa
Tabako no flavor ga shita
Nigakute setsunai kaori
the last kiss
tasted like tobacco
a bitter and sad smell

Ashita no imagoro ni wa
Anata wa doko ni iru n' darou
Dare wo omotte 'ru n' darou
tomorrow, at this time
where will you be?
who will you be thinking about?

You are always gonna be my love
Itsu ka dare ka to mata koi ni ochite mo
I'll remember to love
You taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashii uta utaeru made
you are always gonna be my love
even if I fall in love with someone once again
I'll remember to love
you taught me how
you are always gonna be the one
it's still a sad song
until I can sing a new song

Tachidomaru jikan ga
Ugoki-dasou to shite 'ru
Wasuretaku nai koto bakari
the paused time is
about to start moving
there's many things that I don't want to forget about

Ashita no imagoro ni wa
Watashi wa kitto naite 'ru
Anata wo omotte 'ru n' darou
tomorrow, at this time
I will probably be crying
I will probably be thinking about you

You will always be inside my heart
Itsu mo anata dake no basho ga aru kara
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
Now and forever you are still the one
Ima wa mada kanashii love song
Atarashii uta utaeru made
you will always be inside my heart
you will always have your own place
I hope that I have a place in your heart too
now and forever you are still the one
it's still a sad song
until I can sing a new song

You are always gonna be my love
Itsu ka dare ka to mata koi ni ochite mo
I'll remember to love
You taught me how
You are always gonna be the one
Mada kanashii love song
Now and forever...
you are always gonna be my love
even if I fall in love with someone once again
I'll remember to love
you taught me how
you are always gonna be the one
it's still a sad song
until I can sing a new song

thou the lyrics din make much sense, but i still like it. hardly r there any songs tat talks about 1st love tat doesnt sound like it's puppy love. haha..

Brian McKnight - Win Lyrics

Dark is the night
I can battle the storm
Never say die
I've been down this road before
I'll never quit
I'll never lay down, mm
See I promised myself that I'd never let me down

[1] - I'll never give up
Never give in
Never let a ray of doubt slip in
And if I fall
I'll never fail
I'll just get up and try again

Never lose hope
Never lose faith
There's much too much at stake
Upon myself I must depend
I'm not looking for place ashore
I'm gonna win

I'll stop at nothing
There's still a ways to go, oh
Someway, somehow
Whatever it takes, I know
I'll never quit, no no
I'll never go down, mm, mm
I'll make sure they remember my name
A hundred years from now

[Repeat 1]

When it's all said and done
My once in a lifetime will be back again
Now is the time
To take a stand
Here is my chance
That's why I...

[Repeat 1]

Mmm, I'm gonna win

my frd tot i would like this song hence he sent it to me. wasnt able to fully understand this song until recently. actually not all his songs r likeable. haha. coming back to camp made me feel normal. feel like all the woes tat i was carrying over the wkend had been lifted (at least for now). haiz..

oh next singer i'm going to feature in this blog will b joss stone

2004-05-31T12:31:00.000+08:00

Monday. My 1st wish for u guys readin this: May the Monday Blues goes as fast as it comes. today, it din really affect me as much as it usually does. mayb becoz i din haf a gd wkend. din enjoy it as much as i would haf.

since many of u guys readin haf totally no idea wat m i going thru. lets juz say i feel this way becoz of "disappointment". disappointment of myself in many ways. of my future, of my past, of my frds, of my hp bill....

actually coming back to camp made me feel good. brought me back to life. away from things tat had bothered me over the wkend.

juz some info. if things dun go well in the future, i wont b in singapore from next yr onwards. thou it may seem like it's a gd way. to get exposure from overseas, to go n learn to b more independent, to get away from all the different forms of stress from sg. m i able to leave behind all my frds, my family (thou my bro is already there), my life? to start all over again from nothing takes alot of courage. m i able to handle tat? now my thinking has been shifted to dont mind studying overseas. we shall see about the future. it aint perfect!

2004-05-30T20:27:00.000+08:00

now looking at my life... this wkend i really learn more about myself. but in turn, i asked myself more qns. wat m i going to do for my future? i haf a lot of qn.

i feel like i'm having 2 different lives. it's very difficult to handle. thank god for i'm strong. or rather weak (dependin on how u see it). weak in tat sense, i do not haf the courage to end my life. strong as in i know one day i'll b fine. jovial as i may b then, things will still b the same as today. wat has happened will not b changed. wat i haf now is my future to mould. but with so many uncertainties in life, how m i to know i'll haf a gd life ahead? i really dunno..... m so lost now.... dun even noe whether will shrek make me laugh? in the 1st place, will i haf company to watch shrek? haiz...

listen to these songs to know how m i feeling:
Brian Mcknight - Win
Luther Vandross - Dance with my father
Utada Hikaru - First Love

2004-05-30T15:01:00.000+08:00

hmm... i'm juz sitting down here in front of the computer without any aim. doesnt tat sound familiar? it sounds like my life. seems like i have no aim in life. i really haf no idea wat to do in the future. after i ord from army. wat to study? wat do i really want to study? wat i wanna b in the future? will i b happy? army is supposedly the best time t tink. but all i can do is tink. nothing substantial actually. now... all i can do is tink. but when u tink, everything is built on this perfect world u want it to b. nothing is perfect in this world. nor is anything fair (something learnt in the army).. i cant help but b stopped in my strand of thots. how m i to tink about my future? everyone would wan the best. they would hop they can grad uni with direct honours. they wish they can earn a million by 35years old. they tink of the best possible future. but every thot of how rough life can b? i'll b back later with more of my life... juz some food for thot.

2004-05-28T12:40:00.000+08:00

finally it's friday. haha. it seems like tat's how i start my journal entry everytime. haha. oh well... TGIF!! (in case if anyone doesnt know wat does tat mean.. Thank God It's Friday!)

things i'm hoping to do this wkend:
1) catch Shrek2
2) watch The Day After Tmr (everyone seems to b making a lot literary inference to this movie. tat's y i got interested in this movie.)
3) definitely gym
4) shopping (nature's farm - getting creatine. there's 50% discount for tat)
5) mayb see a sinseh for my toe. sill hurting after so long sia.

anyway if u guys read the newspaper or saw american idol on tv last nite, it was fantasia who won the competition. i guess she was juz plain lucky. but it may seem like it's always the underdog who won. juz look at ruben. clay aiken was the clear fav ah. no idea wat happened. fantasia won coz diana went off key juz for a small little part. i could see tat nerves were playin a part in tat. but still, i'll support diana degarmo.

will get back to you guys again coz there r 2 guys beside me reading out loud my entry.

2004-05-26T14:17:00.000+08:00

haha,.... juz b4 i was to update my blog, my frd was like giving me attitude coz i din really wanna help him. dunno whether he was joking anot but based on my character, things can go 2 ways. 1) i can go n accompany him to the orderly room to photocopy some documents. he already has someone else to acc him to do so. if i acc him, then things will juz b normal n he will say tat he was joking. 2)based on my attitude n character, i can juz sit here n act innocent n things go negatively. why i know this? it has happened b4 between me n other guys here. so b it. i'm also a stubborn man n a lazy one too.. sometimes kindness r not to b exploited. it's a bad way of working. generally speaking, u can see whether a person is sincere or juz making use of u when asking for a favour. in this case, i tink i will go down after i've finished updating my blog..

it was a long day n i cant wait to head out tonight BUT i will b back in camp, in front of a tv b4 10pm as tat's when american idol will start. the actually singing starts at 11pm.. so for those not home at 10pm, still got time to rush home!! it's such a long day for me sia. but tmr shld b a short one. cant wait for the wkend to come!!!

2004-05-25T18:09:00.000+08:00

these days going thru some weird changes in mood sia. one moment i can b quite happy but the other, not.

on sunday, i went to catch troy with a frd. thou tat movie opened for sometime already, it was still crowded at lido. thru'out the movie, my frd was consistently talking to me. the reason being tat he was bored with it. okie... now i know how my frds felt, coz i'm also a chatterbox. anyway, he kept on talking. i had no probs with the movie so was trying to enjoy it. i tink he knew he was kinda disturbing me at the movie when i shifted my rest point from his side (the right side) to my left.. haha... i mean i like him as a person but sometimes i would wanna enjoy the movie. haha. imagine how the studio producers managed to create the whole city of troy... or at least the walls n the place where the king sat to watch the battle right before him. haha... quite weird if i belong to that era... to b the king n sit there n watch his man die while they r trying to protect the city.. there was also a part where he went back to get his first son's body. very cool... haha. i mean he actually went thru all the trouble to try n get his body back. very noble of a father who is also the king of troy. very interesting at how easy it was to kill the knights n warriors from tat era. juz one slit n dead. how? aint them wearing armour? hmm....

but after the movie, i was feeling alright. other than the fact tat my frd din like me pulling his bag as i was trying to tell him tat someone wanted to go 1st. singaporeans these days r getting more n more kiasu.. hope i dun become an ugly singaporean too..

2 long post in a day. juz goes to show how bored i am. haha. and also tat i haf alot to say. guess tat quite true. oh well.... hey peeps.. tmr do remember to catch american idol leh. shld b nice.

2004-05-25T12:34:00.000+08:00

had such a terrible wkend. din really accomplish much other than consistently gymming for the past 2 days. body aching now...

oh yeah over here i wanted to mention something... PS thanx for the msg. haha. my toe still hurts thou. but i cant wait for it to recover as i tink i need to do some running. time to train up myself sia.. so as to look gd.. sorry for being so vain but we haf to accept tat this world is very materialistic n superficial. how often pple do look beyond the skin? at least we know for a fact: 1st impressions is mainly of wat u see. with a gd 1st impression, things can start positively.

yesterday i was talking to a few frds. seems like the monday blues was quite bad yesterday. i myself was also affected in a way coz it was the end of my off day n i had to b stuck in camp for the next 2 wks, only bookin outta camp over the wkends as i haf no more duties for the rest of the month. cant wait to hang out with my pals over the wkends. will definitely catch shrek this coming wkend. by hook or crook, the pple i'm catching it with, beta book the tix way in advance. haha..

actually i had an initial draft for my blog. but my com hanged tat day. wanted to dedicate tat entry for american idol. haha.. wanted to say how much i like tat show. cant help it. i'm a music person. thou i wont say i will support any of them at their future record deals, but they did come all the way with the support of american audience. biggest pity was still jennifer hudson. today's newspaper had a couple of pages talking about the show. they did an interview wif simon cowell n he expeted diana degarmo to win. lets see how did she perform on wed n how america votes on thurs.

wait for my next entry ya. mean time, everyone who reads this. trust me at saying tis. each one of u look good when u smile. dun deny the world of yet another pleasant sight to behold. as i was saying initially, being happy n smiley, it projects a positive image of you onto others. pple will also rub off some of the energy tat u emit n feel positive. so go ahead n SMILE =) johnson out...

2004-05-18T17:35:00.000+08:00

then was thursday. n it was after i went to the polyclinic to extend my mc. thank god i did tat coz the doc gave me some medicine to reduce the swelling n it did work wonders. now aint swollen. i'm juz waiting for the toe to actually start feeling stronger. u know how weak it can b after it juz got dislocated. ya..

so today is tuesday n yet i'm home. not becoz i got my mc extended again. where got so chao keng? haha.... the reason why i'm home is becoz i did duty on sunday n monday. so i kinda juz came back. upon reachin the northeastline, i was so tired. the train was empty so i dozed off in the train. thank goodness for the fact tat the train stopped at my station for quite a while then i regained consciousness n left the train. haha.... if not i would haf ended up in punggol n haf to take the train back n hope i dun doze off again. ahha...

duty was alright, but i guess the relations btw the 4 of us (coz 4 of us, pple of the same rank, were grouped together for each duty) mite b a bit strained due to gambling. in order to keep ourselves awake, we often play with cards at nite. (my duty requires us to b awake at nite n sleep in the day). so one of my frds lost alot of $. so okie. we were cool to continue playing so tat he can try n cut down the loss. alright. someone lost so much meaning someone else winning much too. i also lost. okie. then we continued playing n the original loser, won n kept winning. but the original guy who won, lost quite a bit n eventually ended in the negative. but the thing about the original loser, he din allow someone else to back out from the game when he din win nor lose anything. in the end, the original winner n the neutral guy lost quite a bit to tat original loser. oh well... eventually i still lost. haha.

anyway becoz of my duty, i have 3 days off. too bad tat i got tat injured toe of mine. coz i really wanted to go n see see wat Mambo nite is all about. but too afraid of the crowd n toe stepping so m not heading there.

today is tuesday. i haf this habit of forgetting which day n wat date it is. haf to constantly remind myself out loud. i haf no plans today. so boring. how i wish i can go out. but by being out, means i haf to spend $$ n i wanna get myself some stuffs this month since there's a bit of allowance (from the army) which i can spend on myself this month. got my ippt silver incentive tat's y. m tinking of changing my style of clothes to this funky one. where the tee shirt has a cheeky msg on the front. coupled with a 3 quarters n shoes with ankle socks or slippers n not forgetting a waist pouch. can u imagine tat? dun need to imagine... alot of guys r doin tat now. i guess i'm a guy who chases the fashion (or try to b cool n in sync with the world. haha)

oh ya... music of the moment - Tata Young "I Believe"

2004-05-13T11:30:00.000+08:00

today is thurday but i'm using the net. actually juz now i wanted to post an entry and by then, the time would b quite impossible for me to actually use the net if i'm in camp. i'm at home now. y? coz i've inmjured myself on tues. it was such a suay day.

on tues, i was walking back from the cookhouse within my camp back to my block. so as i was walking, my right ankle gave way. so it felt like i'm goin to sprain it soon. and my left foot already went out for the next step. in order not to sprain my ankle, all my wt is on my left. but the next step went into a small drain in front of me. so the toes there hit the wall. i guess the army sport shoes is very thin n not sturdy, my 2nd toe was dislocated. damn suay lo. was in so much pain. haiz. it took a while b4 someone came n help me. anyway i went to see the medical officer in tengah airbase (which means i haf to wait for transport to get in there). waited for a long long time. then the doc wanted to relocate it himself without any drugs. i was like oh pls. i dun trust u guys. so they decided to refer me to nuh a&e. went there only after noon. remember i dislocated my toe at abt 0740H. efficency of army. goodness... doc gave me mc from tues till thurs. but now it still hurts so later i'm goin to polyclinic to extend my mc. still cant really walk

but i wanna do duty on sunday coz it willl gif me alot of off. n i tink i need those off to rest my feet. these days i've staying at home n resting loh. thanx for frds who bring me food when they visit me. actually only frd. haha. but i really appreciated tat.

2004-05-07T14:11:00.000+08:00

woohoo.... finally it's friday! i've waited so long for this day to come. finally i can go home n rest. juz to get away from camp is a bliss!

i cant wait to get out n meet my frds. juz tat's one consideration.. i've overspent this month (oh no!!!).. i'll b broke for this wkend. how now brown cow? pay day is on monday... cant wait. there r things i want to buy thou.

anyway something happening this wkend for me: my bmt platoon is having a bbq at my buddy's place. cant wait to go there n hang out with them. thou the key person of the platoon, my ps, mite nt b going coz he bought a tix to the east side story play... he said he will try n sell away the tix so tat he can go. i do hope he can...

anyway come next wk, i will start my outfield duty. with that means i haf more offs. dear frds, if i haven been meeting you, lets do keep in touch ya...

2004-04-28T18:23:00.000+08:00

today was a beta day in comparison to yest. guess it was beta as i din flare up at anyone n i did my job fairly well.. hahah.. anyway really m looking forward to the weekends... really wan to plan my wkend nicely so tat i can make full use of it. wonders wat can i do.. mayb i shall make use of tis opportunity to catch up with some frds of mine....

song of the moment: Alicia Keys - If I Aint Got You!!

2004-04-27T19:07:00.000+08:00

today is juz another day in camp... but no idea why my tempers flared up at one pt of time. oh no.... i was really feeling down after i hang up on someone. anyway things ended well. he called back n asked wat's wrong... n i also appologised to him.

m really looking forward to the long weekend i'm having... hope to meet up with my frds n hang out. also on my schedule (but it's next wk) is my bmt platoon bbq at my buddy's place. it has been SOOOOOO long ago since i last saw some of them. really wanna relive the times i've been with them. 16 weeks aint a short time also. to top it up, the fact that we guys been thru so much together. all the physical training cuz we r all unfit. and all the demanding military aspects tat we haf to go thru (our Officer in Command, OC LTA Luqman is a very garang soldier). if i were to go on talking about my bmt life, i guess u guys will b bored in the end. but the memories are there. someone once told me tat i'm a nostalgic person. yes. i live in the memories of the past. no iodea whether is tat a good thing or bad. but i tink there r pros n cons... up to u to decide. tat's all from me today.. ciao.... SMILE N THE WORLD WILL SMILE BACK AT YA!!

2004-04-26T12:45:00.000+08:00

wat a wkend. on saturday, i had this army camp lunch buffet to attend. it was to celebrate the end of our course, some of the people's bday and to say our thanks to the pple who left. after that, i had to accompany my mum to attend this wedding dinner in taka, at the former sparks. woah... had such full meals. i almost puked after the dinner.... haha... after dinner, i decided to hang out with my frds.. they said i look drunk. at the dinner, i din even haf a drop of liquor. i told them, mayb i was high on food.

wasted my saturday away... then came sunday. only woke up at noon.... felt really terrible. guess i din haf enuf water intake the previous day. but still i had to crawl outta bed n head to the gym. if not, i would haf slacked the whole wk away. but even when i went there, i was quite tired to lift some wts. in the end, after lifting some wts, i went to meet some frds n watch some vcds at his place. after that, yet again, every monday's entry would haf tat. prepare to book in to camp... but i din feel tat terrible coz i really lived to the fullest then....

2004-04-23T11:57:00.001+08:00

today.. juz another day but now having a slight headache....

recently someone asked this qn to everyone... whether r u a person who minds others doing this : 1) talk behind ur back. 2) say tat u r gay. or 3) say that the only reason why u r rising so fast up the ranks is becoz u r sleeping with the top management... after tat, i realised tat i belong to the group tat will chooose the 1st choice. if i'm conscious tat there r pple talking behind my back, i will get paranoid n b oversensitive. i hope someday i can find a "cure" for tat...

oh no last nite's american idol was such a disappointment!! (if u guys dunno tat i'm a fan of american idol, it's time u do! haha..) anyway last week's top idol, jennifer hudson, was voted out tis week. i tot she is the only person who is working hard enuf to stay in the competition... and my prediction of all blacks in the top4 cant come thru anymore... oh well.... but i tink this season's winner wont b as big as the previous seasons... oh well... i will still continue to watch the show... coz i like MUSIC!

2004-04-23T11:57:00.000+08:00

2004-04-20T12:25:00.000+08:00

today.. juz another day for me. when u r in the army, days juz passed as it is. tat's y i treaure my wkends alot. i hope to make full use of my time outta camp to make myself fulfilled n to enjoy those times...

so i tot... i haf a few things tat i hope to learn b4 i get out of the army. 1stly, i wanna b a qualified driver soon!!!!! 2ndly, i would go n take up canoeing (so as to make myself active in sports n with that, exercise more - on top of gym). lastly, i hope to sign up for hip hop dance lessons. ever since jc, after being exposed to dance (mass dance n the college dances tat my seniors taught us), i felt tat it's quite cool to dance. there had been pple then telling me tat i look quite good when i'm dancing or tat i can dance. (sounds very bhb rite?). nonetheless, i did wan to join my sch's dance as a cca but there was someone i din really like in the team so i forgo tat chance. eventually in sch i had many opportunities at dancing n teaching others to dance. so now when i'm still young n energetic, might as well try my hand at dancing n learning it from teachers (in the past, wateva i've learnt r either taught by my sch mates or seniors but not professional dance teachers).... seems like i haf alot to say about dancing.. tat juz shows my enthusiasm towards this idea. but decided to put tis as my 3rd priority coz i think the other 2 skills are more practical.

PS : no idea why gals think tat guys who can dance r HOT! hope i can belong to that group

2004-04-19T22:01:00.000+08:00

it has been some time since i last had an entry. when i said tat, it's relative to the duration of me having a blog. anyway juz updates of my wkends.

it was already bad enuf tat i can only book out on a saturday... but i juz had to feel very terrible when i woke up on sat. was sick for the most of the day. did something stupid. after i managed to get home n rest for a while, i picked up my stuff n went to the pool nearby to catch some sun on a deck chair. but at least i rested enuf tat nite.

then on sunday, i had a fantastic n eventful day... went 2 the gym to work out (yet again... wat to do... i wanna look good le) and following that, i went to the beach coz my frd invited me to... then his jack russell... so hyper active. well i'm a doggie lover so it was nice to play ard with that cute dog.... at the end of the day, the dog could respond to me calling his name...... yeah! enjoyed myself at the beach.

now here i am back in camp... i'm sho bored. yet again thou.... (thank goodness i'm not so dumb enuf to actually say tat i'm so boring...sheesh)

2004-04-13T14:49:00.000+08:00

Another boring day. Went down for recce in this army camp. Hot hot day!! Went round n round n round coz my officer din know where to go. Budden he can b forgiven. It has been a while since he went down to tat place.

Anyway tonight i'm doing guard duty. Tat's the worse part. stand at the gate n get mosquito bites. But u guys would say tat i'm in the army. Okie fair enuf. But i would rather if i'm biten by mosquitoes in the field n not while standing guard at the gate.

I would have to say, the mood for the day is beta than yest. Not as tired and the monday blues were slept away. Coupled with all the hot babes in America's Top Model (wait... not all coz only Elyse rocks. shannon looks good only when she was talking wwith tat rebonded hair). I'm juz a guy so forgive me. Feels like i'm acting like a MCP. Argh... !

Smile and the world will smile back at you ;-)

2004-04-12T19:37:00.000+08:00

Just want to share this song with you guys! I remembered when i 1st heard this song, it was sung by Celine Dion at the Grammys. I tot: "such a wonderful song by interrupted by technical glitch." But it was still a very beautiful performance. The thing tat caught my attention was the melody of the song and the lyrics. Celine Dion sang that song not so long after her father passed away. I guess tat set an alarm ringing in my head. This song made me realise that i should cherish the pple i loved b4 it's too late. I do not want to regret not cherishing them. Hope this song will bring to you the same msg as it did to me.

Luther Vandross - Dance With My Father

Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around 'til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved

If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
How I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again

When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He'd make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me

If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I'd play a song that would never, ever end
'Cause I'd love, love, love
To dance with my father again

Sometimes I'd listen outside her door
And I'd hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me

I know I'm praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don't do it usually
But dear Lord she's dying
To dance with my father again

Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

2004-04-12T11:55:00.000+08:00

Today is such a boring day man. goodness.... Last nite, I din really have a good rest for i guess i was too used to my queen size bed at home. A single sponge bed cant satisfy my need to toss n turn around. Oh well... Have to live with it. Oh yeah... Does anyone have any idea how to start taking driving lessons? I hope to start soon so tat when my parents get a new car, I can drive tat.. Cant wait for the wkend. Wad i hope to do is to do some sports, whack in the gym n catch "taking lives" by Angelina Jolie. She's so hot!!! Those lips. Oh yeah watch out for America's top model. HOT HOT HOT!!

2004-04-11T18:29:00.000+08:00

Long long wkend. thou i should b thankful tat it's a long wkend, tat i have lots of time to rest, but i was bored. BUT... i'm still thankful for this break!!

juz came back from the gym. was actually quite tired coz yesterday i went suntanning and also gym. if u r a frequent "sun-tanner", you shld know tat u will get tired after sunntannin. no idea why thou. anyone knows? after being a gym member for like almost half a yr, i tink my physique is getting leaner. but i juz cant get bigger. m i satified with the results? shld i b? hmm... i really dunno wat i want. all i know, i dun wanna b fat! haha

recently i was reading this book which my frd passed it to me. the book is written by a Buddhist monk and it's in english. i din go n specifically check whether was it translated but it's a Buddhist book. now i'm at this chapter where the idea is to b conscious of the things you do. coz when you are conscious of the things you do, this energy will bounce off you and affect others. to me, i interpret it as this. be happy. coz this happiness can spread to others. this concept is also similar to something i believe. "Smile and the world will smile back at you!" Lets make this world a happy place! ;-)